Summary of ZhaoHong's first draft (by ZhuoMing)

This draft is very clear: in the introduction, in the last sentence, he points out all five thsis statement, namely, economic, politic, corruption, employment and security reasons of the failure of Gobenhagon Conference. And each of the reasons makes a paragraph, the five paragraghs make the body of the passage. Two things need to say, the first is that in the five paragraghs there is only one real example(the indonisia one), more detailed facts need to be added to make the discussion more vilad. The second is that more expressions need to be added between the paragraphs to link paragraphs, as I have seen, there is only one, namely,"last but not least"(at the beginning of the sixth paragraph). And the conclusion is paraphrase of the thesis statement(And it also did call actions), which, again, makes the whole passage very clear and in good order.
Last but not least, at least one reference needs to be added.
Best Regards
ZhuoMing