After reading Jiayue’s essay I find there are some good points in the article. Firstly the article uses a question to raise the topic. Secondly the structure is clear. There are thesis statement, body and conclusion. Thirdly the arguments are good. They are demonstrated step by step and are very persuadable. Finally there is a transitional paragraph between the thesis statement and the body. This makes the article more coherent.
However there are also some defects in the article. First of all the transitional paragraph seems too long. Maybe she should make it shorter. The second thing is that there can be more specific examples such as some research results or some data. At last APA should be applied to the quotation parts and a list of reference should be added at the end of the article.
To sum up it is a good article with clear structure, good arguments and so on talking about ways of solving global warming problem. Just a little amendment is needed.
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firstly, thanks for the comments of yuheng.
ReplyDeletealso thanks for the good points pointed out.
I have to admit that i have a great problem with APA, first i do not know how to apply APA into my article. second i do not know what should be written after the paragraphs used.
i have add some APA into the article but finally find out that the version is not right.
about the two long transition paragraph, i put it into the first introduction part to make it part of the introduction.
about the exaqmples, Ms FONG also pointed out this BIG problem, i should have done some reserach and give some very powerful examples for my ideas.
about he outline, i don't think i have a clear thesis statement in the graph but the main sentences are quite clear.
languges should be improved, especially usage og words and spellings.
anyway, thanks for the advice from yuheng. that really helps a lot.