After reading JiaYue’s essay, I think it is a good essay. In the introduction part, she used some examples to show how serious the global warming is. This draws readers’ attention. Then she raised two opposite opinions and rebutted them. Eventually she summed up the reasons why SRM should be implemented. The structure of the essay is very clear. In addition, there are a lot of reference to be used which makes her argument more convincible.
However, there are some defects as well. One thing is that the introduction part seems to be too long. It is almost as long as the body part. I think she can sum up the examples a little bit to make it shorter. The other thing is that the thesis statement is not very clear. I think she can make it clearer by putting her stand at the beginning of the body part.
Generally speaking, it is a good essay.
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jiayue here. this is the response about yuheng's peer review.
ReplyDeletefirstly, thanks for the advices from yuheng. the inroduction part, i have to say, i have deleted as much as i could, but it seems still two long. hope Ms FANG can give some advice:p.
thesis statement missing again. i should have write it correctly in proper position. some grammer problems appear alot. got to have some improvement.about the references, i think i should use it in a much former way.
anyway, thanks yuheng!