As mentioned by JiaYue in her peer review, I have also realized that my first draft seems to be out of point and does not look like an argumentative essay. It is more like a summary of the 3rd essay given to us. Thus I have decided to rewrite my draft to rectify the mistake. In my new draft, I have added in my arguments and counterarguments with rebuttals. Furthermore, I have also expressed my stand on the issue clearly similar to that of an argumentative essay.
Next, I have also added quite a number of citations and quotations from different references into my draft to make it more sounding and interesting.
Last but not least, I have also rewritten my thesis statement and my main points for the essay, and edited my conclusion, as suggested by JiaYue.
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